Februari 11, 2017
michael: alright. ray: you're an asshole. gavin: why? ray: he's all excited. michael: oh, well thats... michael: that's pretty harsh. gavin: nice haircut ray. michael: oof. ray: [puerto rican war cry]
[everyone laughing] michael: 178 gigs, hopefully -- michael: [laughing] -- it'll be enough. [gavin snorts] michael: did you burp through your nose? you're like, [mimics gavin's noise] gavin: oh, it fizzed up. michael: are you alright? gavin: yeah.
michael: you gonna be okay? gavin: oooohhhhhhh yes michael. michael: how do we sync to the camera? michael: should we do like a thing? gavin: well, we sync... gavin: ...the uhh, camera, to the sound... gavin: ...like this: gavin: [inhales sharply] gavin: [claps and whacks arm on the microphone]
michael: dude, like when he claps, that's when it goes. [phone rings in the game]michael: alright. gavin: gives you wings, ray.michael: someone answer the fucking phone! michael: jesus![gavin laughs] michael: alright, go over the drill. michael: boom. got it. gavin: [snickering] god’s sake…michael: gavin. gavin: oh! [laughing]michael: don’t drill directly into his fucking brain. michael: i like how you're drilling the tarp off of him.
[gavin wheezes] michael: okay. got that? boom. michael: look at that grip. michael: like a 13-year-old jerking off.gavin: [laughing] we seem to be using the blunt end here. michael: yeah. you -- you're sawing with the wrong side. michael: there you go! there you go. twist your arm.gavin: that’s — gavin: i -- michael: there you...go? michael: gavin. gavin.gavin: [laughing] for god’s sake...there we go!
gavin: alright. michael: fucking, pick it up again. put your hand down. gavin: [laughing] he's bleeding! michael: put your hand down! gavin: stop the bleeding! michael: put your hand on the handle and let the end-- gavin: my bloody watch!michael: stop losing your fucking watch!! michael: what the hell are you doing?! michael: here we go, you ready?
gavin: grab it! michael: boosh! michael: ...didn't get it. [gavin laughing] michael: woah, what the fuck was that?gavin: ahhh, i just bloody — we’re on drugs! michael: you just stabbed yourself!! [gavin noises] michael: okay, so now we're high as fuck, performing surgery. gavin: i want the orange burst!
michael: oh my god. gavin: give me the orange burst!michael: that — that was not orange burst. michael: i think there was something else in there. michael: what the fuck, dude.gavin: wooaaahh. gavin: it’s — it’s like he’s coming right at me!michael: gavin. gavin. gavin: look at this! gavin: auuughhh, dude. gavin: auuu-hauuughh, i'm messed up! gavin: waaugghh!
gavin: okay, let's -- let's try and preserve this -- michael: we're gonna rip that through his bones.gavin: bloody drill’s still going! michael: alright! [jack wheezing] michael: fucking god damn dude. gavin: the scalpels are over this side. michael: okay. okay, ready? this is gonna be precision. gavin: bloody hammer the lung. michael: o-kay. got everything but the fucking scalpel.[gavin laughing]
gavin: alrightmichael: i just picked up the whole tray. michael: holy -- he's fucking bleeding everywhere!! michael: look at him!! michael: holy shit. ho-ly shit. gavin: i don’t know how to cut this!michael: look at him. gavin: i can't cut it! michael: try — just — ohhh, there it goes.gavin: aw, don’t drop it! michael: c -- i don't know -- michael: i don’t even know how to get the heart!gavin: god damn it, i don't know how t --
michael: okay! go to the right! fuck it! go to the right. michael: grab the buzzsaw, i don't care. gavin: b — brilliant. i’m gonna stab myself with the damn needles again. michael: yeah, whatever, he’s gonna bleed to death anyway. okay -- michael: aww, fuck. okay, hang on. michael: no, don't knock it off the table!! gavin: wait! michael: w -- it's gone. it's too far. it's too far gone. gavin: scissors!
michael: fucking christ. michael: grab the whole box! [gavin laughing]michael: box of scissors!! fucking chuck that in there! michael: did that solve the problem?! michael: just fucking -- just plunge it into his chest and finish it. gavin: i'm drilling my own arm! ow! ow! michael: [laughing] god dammit. michael: hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang o -- both: oooooohhhhhhh!
michael: go fuck yourself, you fuck! gavin: again! michael: dude, diddle his peepee! diddle his peepee. michael: go down. go down, ready? look:[gavin laughing] michael: lo -- [laughing] hang on, hang on, hang on. michael: hang o -- stop. stop. stop moving? michael: [high pitched diddling noises][everyone losing it] michael: gootchie-gootchie-goo! gavin: alright!michael: gootchie-gootchie--[laughing]
gavin: [giggling] now that you're done diddling! michael: holy shit.gavin: oh, bloody hell! bloody ma -- [laughing] gavin: the big bang just happened right in the middle of his chest.michael: c’mon. michael: fucking pull. put your back into it. gavin: ngh!!michael: pull it! michael: pull — oh my —gavin: get out! michael: you're so close, dude. michael: there you go. okay.gavin: oh! there we go. there we go. michael: i don't think we can get that middle -- oh you j --
michael: oh my god, he's dead. gavin: oh, how do i do that?! michael: [spluttering noises] stop cutting him up!! gavin: [laughing] je-sus! michael: he's dead!! gavin: i don't -- ! michael: you killed him, like, in two seconds!! gavin: [groans of regret] michael: what the fuck is wrong with us?
michael: what do we have, like, polio? michael: what is all over our hands and shit?gavin: yeah, it’s — it’s like, uh, like... gavin: ...aid measles or something. michael: it's probably aid measles. gavin: that's -- what's this little kidney thing? is that his, like, liver or something? michael: get it out of -- gavin: oooohhhh! ooohh! ugghh!michael: oh my god! it's stretchy, uuuggghh! michael: uuggghhh, we ripped it out!gavin: ohh-ho, we ripped it off! michael: holy shit!
gavin: euugh! oh!michael: oh my god, i don’t know if we were supposed to do that. gavin: let's get rid of that, it's making me feel ill. michael: it looks like a piece of doodoo! michael: just throw it on the floor. just -- just --gavin: [laughing] it looks like… michael: just get rid of it.gavin: alright. michael: i'm not putting that back in anyway. ready? gavin: woo! alright.michael: get ready to chuck it. michael: go left. michael: no, swing to the left and i'll let go.
gavin: alright. go! michael: no, s -- [sigh] michael: go [swooshing noise] gavin: alright.michael: whip it. michael: huagh! [both burst out laughing] gavin: bloody [gibberish]michael you fucking hit him in the head... gavin: he’s got an extra pillow now.michael: …with a piece of shit. michael: will you stop fucking with his head?![gavin laughing]
michael: he needs a fucking double kidney transplant! gavin: alright! let's do -- michael: not, fucking...rogaine! gavin: let's -- how about we look at th -- the new kidney gavin: to see what the kidneys are.michael: oh, that’s a good idea! michael: except he needs a double transplant. gavin: ahh. god. gavin: looks like beans. michael: right. that's why they're called kidney beans.
gavin: ahh, right! [laughing] michael: [sarcastically] you've solved the mystery! gavin: oh look at the —michael: what is that thing?! michael: look to the right! look to the right. go to the right. michael: what is that? gavin: it's a bag of blood. michael: no, underneath the bag of blood. on the table. michael: what is that -- what is that thing? gavin: oh, it's like a bloody radio or something.
michael: that's...not a radio at all. gavin: oh! oh!michael: what is this?? we just yanked something! gavin: bloody laser cutter! michael: it's a laser beam!! gavin: oh my god. michael: ho shit gavin: wooaaa! woah!michael: dude, we’re slicing him with a laser beam! gavin: woah!michael: ho-ly shit. gavin: jee-sus!
michael: whadda we got -- michael: who’s giving us lasers?![gavin cackling] gavin: they -- why do they trust us -- aaahhh!! gavin: aaahh! michael: gavin! gavin: bloody gave him laser eye surgery! michael: you just have him a fucking scar. gavin: let go? michael: good thing we didn't laser the fucking tab -- michael: aww, dude, it just floats -- oh god no.
gavin: aaahhh! michael: jesus. gavin: it’s cutting the new ones up!michael: it's like a fucking michael: batman trap now!gavin: stop! gavin: st — [laughing]michael: no! gavin: where'd it go? [both screaming] gavin: jesus! michael: goddammit, it's like a trap in the temple of doom!
gavin: get out of here, dude! gavin: get out of — !michael: look at this fucking thing! michael: gavin! gavin! gavin. gavin: aahhh! michael: you're lasering his face off. gavin: look at it!michael: he looks like anakin skywalker now! michael: do we have to get -- are all of his...pieces out? michael: oh my god!gavin: woaaahh! gavin: aahh! aaahhh!michael: holy shit. oh it’s connected!
michael: it’s connected! okay — gavin: ohh, it looks like a bloody — michael: jeeeesus christ! gavin: -- gaping anus in the top of his head.michael: my god! gavin: oh -- let go, let go. gavin: alright, grab it?michael: it’s like krang! michae: i don't think we can pop it out, i think we need to slice that. michael: yeah, we do.gavin: alright, let’s — bloody — michael: s -- stop slapping his brain!!! michael: stop slapping his brain!!!
gavin: do we have like a — michael: he needs it!!! michael: gently. gently. michael: lower your hand into the man's empty skull.gavin: wedge it. gavin: wedge it! [both cheering] michael: fucking finally!gavin: perfect! both: c! gavin: woo!michael: dude, another achievement! michael: we are tearing though this shit!gavin: didn’t even need the battle axe.
gavin: did we even keep out wa -- ? gavin: nope. we didn't. [gavin laughing]michael: no, it’s fine.
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