Februari 15, 2017
burnie: alright, so in our previous episode michael and gavin made it all the way to a town where they were able to get a mission to go after the evil boss, mccormick, and they need to find the transmission code for the vault they're headed towards. they unfortunately killed the person who gave them the quest so now i have absolutely no confidence at all that they're gonna find it. gavin: bit of a sneaky beaky here. [loud clatter]michael: [voice low] shit! shhh! (weapons clattering on car) michael: he said there was one guy!
i'm glad you fucking killed him! what do we do? gavin: hey. burnie: what do you want from me? it's an open world. shoot 'em, don't shoot 'em. your call. michael: they're gonna fuck us up! they got armor- raider: [yelling] michael & gavin: [mixed yells of fear and surprise] mccormick: [maniacal laughter] mccormick: i bet you didn't see that coming! gavin: my arm is busted!
raider: fuck off! michael: there were seven! mccormick: you suck! [more laughter] burnie: alright, so one of the things that can happen in fallout is you can get crippled by breaking a bone or something like that, and the way that we're going to show that in the real world is by taping michael and gavin's limbs to other parts of their body. gavin: shit! gavin: we got done! michael: [out of breath] yeah!
gavin: my arm's gone crippled!michael: she bashed my leg! michael: and then they taped my leg...to itself dude! barb: hello! welcome! gavin: why isn't this toilet in a cubicle? barb: it's strategically placed there for you guys. barb: so if you just have some of this, you'll actually be healed right up. burnie: so here's your choices: you can either reject the water and then slowly die in the wasteland, burnie: you can drink the water out of the toilet to heal, burnie: or you can tap out.
michael: feces is what that is. barb: ladies first?gavin: i can give up an arm. michael: gimme it. gimme it.barb: michael's a champ. barb: just down it. michael: [voice strained] it's actually pretty good. gavin: no it is not! barb: do you- do you wanna feed gavin? michael: [sounding like he's going vomit & cry] you sure? i- i want it for myself. michael: it's feces.
barb: you actually have to swallow it. michael: oh come on! gavin: i can't! my brain won't let me do it, and it's got my spit in it now. michael: i'm gonna... just go this way. so am i, am i healed yet? burnie: okay, so they lost their weapons in the raider attack, so they're definitively going to have to find some new ones. michael: [snickering] ghoul gus: raagh!
michael: jesus!gavin: christ... ghoul gus: listen, don't hurt me, don't hurt me. i- i got uh, a plan for you. gavin: you look like a cheese pizza. ghoul gus: that's my favorite food! uhm... listen, i heard you got a mission from coe. michael: pssh, yeah we did. gavin: what else did you hear? ghoul gus: ... what?
michael: did you hear a gunshot after that? [gunshot echo] michael: don't worry about it. ghoul gus: i can help you complete your mission. you just give me that- that stuff. gavin: you just want this?gus: aw yeah. burnie: alright, with ghoul sorola you have a few choices. you can trade the rum for weapons, you can fight him,
you can ask him why he looks that way, or you can refuse the trade. gavin: if we just need to trade rum for weapons, that's a bargain. gavin: here's the thing, we'll tell him to follow, and whenever we don't want him anymore, we'll just make him to wait. michael: wait.gavin: and then we'll just walk off. ghoul gus: but i'll catch up to you, 'cause we're going to be friends, right? michael: oh yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. gavin: we gotta take out some prick on a roof. ghoul gus: oh i got stuff for that, hold on. here, this will take care of it all.
michael: holy crap! gus: i got that one for you, ghoul gus: and this one for you. gavin: it's got like a little missile launcher. michael: awww, dude! ghoul gus: and this one for me. gavin: uhm... follow. michael: this is awesome! ghoul gus: follow? okay. michael: okay, but let's just test it for later, wait. okay, we're good. follow.
burnie: okay, so now they're facing down these raiders but all they have to do is land one dart on each of the raiders, and that simulates a kill. i mean, as we learned: one shot, one kill. gavin: [voice hushed] mi- mi- michael.michael: yeah? gavin: before we do it- what are you gonna scream before we open fire? michael: uh- kill 'em. gavin: okay. i'm gonna fire this one, the biggie, and then we'll just go mental. michael: alright, ready?gavin: ready.
michael: kill 'em!gavin: bitches! [mixed yelling between michael & gavin and the raiders] burnie: oh this is an absolute massacre. [more yelling, although mainly just michael and gavin] gavin: that one was hot! oh she's alive! raider: you don't really wanna kill me do you? michael: kill her! kill her! kill her! raider: guys c'mon i mean- it's just- it's the wasteland right?
like, we're all just trying to get by. i didn't mean anything personal by it- michael: you bashed my leg in! raider: no, i know, but it was just like, y'know kill-or-be-killed kind of thing. gavin: what are our options, pip?raider: i- i feel bad! burnie: alright, well here we are at a moral crossroads, so you have two choices: you can either spare meg or, y'know, you can just shoot her in the head. michael: should i shoot her?
gavin: i mean, i like her. i like the look of her. michael: what do you think? raider: [surprised cry] gavin: aw, that was right in the head. raider: aw, my eye, you bastard! gavin: she's still not dead. mccormick: no need to do anything rash, fellas! michael: we killed your raiders; we're coming for you next! mccormick: y-y-you don't have to come up, no no, no, just-
michael: companion, stay here. gavin: wait, follow. stay. follow. michael: wait here. go that way. you go. you stay. good. mccormick: uh n-no y-y-you can just stay right there. no no no no no no no. michael: let's do it!
gavin: wham! michael: that looked cool. oh wait wait, dude, before we go up. gavin: yep? michael: mentats.gavin: aw, let's smarten up, yeah. michael: i need to be smart as shit. gavin: i feel way smarter. [sighing] knackered already, we're not even on the- look at all this stuff!
this really dusty beer. michael: vintage. let's kill this prick. gavin: [grunting]michael: man you're smooth. how kind of you to wait for us while we slowly climb this ladder. burnie: alright guys, this is the big choice. you can either kill mccormick or, you can spare him, going against tyler's last dying wish. gavin: well i mean, we spent- there's a lot of blood on our hands, like the whole day.
why don't we just... just have a beer or something? mccormick: in exchange for, for not being killed. uh, here is... here it is. it's the code to the vault. there you go. burnie: if they had killed mccormick, he just would've had it on his body so unless they searched him, they wouldn't have found it. but because they decided to spare him,
he handed it over to them. that's part of the magic of an open world. that's what you call getting lucky. gavin: right in my eyes. gavin: how's the taste? aw, you might need a new tetanus shot. mccormick: [groaning]michael: it's good. gavin: is it though? your face... [slight laughter]
i wish we had the whiskey. michael: [coughing] let's get to the- let's get to the vault. gavin: okay!michael: let's get to that vault. hey, thanks. mccormick: hey uh, congratualtions fellas. michael: you know what? i- i like your look. mccormick: thank you.michael: keep up the good work. mccormick: thank you for not killing me.
michael: god, that beer was terrible. gavin: you drank like a thirty year-old beer. michael: pip-boy, where the hell are we going? burnie: why are you asking me? just follow the nav point on your pip-boy. gavin: i feel like we're walking into the sunset together.michael: there it is. the sunset is actually where the vault is though. burnie: alright, well look, you guys made it! congratulations! michael: thank you.burnie: and you barely look any worse for the wear. so did you guys learn any valuable lessons in our experiment today that you can use in the upcoming apocalypse?
gavin: i mean, michael's good company. i learned that. michael: wasn't bad, y'know. burnie: so that's your transmission code, let me see if you have the right one. they are correct, they got it. 1, 2, 3, 4. alright, so you guys made it through the wasteland. you guys went through all your quests. you even- well, at the end, when you faced down with mccormick... michael: we were supposed to kill him for coe. gavin: i forgot it was a quest to kill him.
michael: you killed the guy who gave us the quest and not the guy we were supposed to kill. gavin: i killed him by accident. gavin: i still feel guilty. burnie: well, that's what open world is all about, right? you reach a point, you're like we can do it the way we're supposed to do it. michael: free choice.burnie: maybe there's a different solution. michael: i let him live, he might go build uh- like uh, a children's hospital in the wasteland. burnie: alright, well, michael and gavin, you guys made it all the way through the wasteland. you made it to your destination, vault 619. you completed all the side quests.
and, most importantly, you made it here with the transmission code. so congratulations, you both win science! michael and gavin are the big winners! gavin: whoah!michael: holy shit! [laughter] burnie: guys, congratulations, i think that might be the first time you have ever both won. right? gavin: have we never both won before?
michael: well, we never both been on the same team before. burnie: alright, here, take your victory lap, get in the vault guys. gavin: ayy! what's inside? michael: what is in there? anyone? gavin: [sighing] knackered. michael: not bad. gavin: eh. six out of ten? maybe? michael: we shouldn't burn this one down.
gavin: we will try our hardest not to. michael: don't worry. i got the tongs. hello? got room for two lonely boys? chris: next wednesday, tune into the season finale of social disorder. aaron: nooooo. chris: i'm not doing it.aaron: you have to! chris: aaron and i attend our ten year high school reunions,
and complete tasks that we've written for one another, in an attempt to completely ruin our reputations. aaron: why don't we go take a **** in the food?
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