Februari 16, 2017
the worst thing about being naked—and thenbeing hit by a car—is that road rash is a problem for skin. why was i nakedin the middle of the road at noon? i am glad you asked, imaginary other half of thisconversation! i have no idea! some characteristics of bipolar disorder include dissociation,hallucinations, and fugue states, so sometimes i wake up inplaces i didn't go to sleep!so. there i am. nude. splayed out on a car like a sluttychicken, and i'm screaming about the government conspiracy to take away my feet. not my realfeet. just my brain feet. i'm about six inches awayfrom the concrete when i realize, in slow
motion,like the exact opposite of a rhinoceros attack, "this is not how i imagined my life wouldturn out." when i was young, i brokeboth my ankles jumping off a roof because i was sure a cape would enable me to fly.my parents attributed this to my strong imagination.last year, my therapist called it a delusion. i failto see the difference. also, i really can flyand see the future and make stupid people leavecoffee shops with my mind. forty-three percent of the time.sometimes i see people as colors. for instance,
this guyright here is purple, which means he just got a promotion.or a blowjob. a blowmotion, if you will. the point is,here is a list of things my brain has told meto do: join a cult; start a cult; become a cabinet maker;kill myself, so, in essence, become a cabinet maker;break into, and then paint, other people's houses; have sexwith literally everyone who reminds me of my mother;fight people who are much fightier than me, likethe cops, so, in essence, kill myself. i think
a lotabout killing myself, not like a point on a map but ratherlike a glowing exit sign at a show that's never beenquite bad enough to make me want to leave. see, when i'm upi don't kill myself because, holy shit, there's so much leftto do! when i'm down i don't kill myself because thenthe sadness would be over, and the sadness is my old paintunder the new. the sadness is the house fire or the brokenshoulder: i'd still be me without it but i'd be so boring.they keep telling me seeing things that aren't
technically thereis called "disturbed cognitive functioning." i call it"having a superpower." once, i pulled over on the 110 freewayand jumped out of my old jeep because i saw it burstinto flames twenty seconds before it actually burstinto flames. i knew my girlfriend and i would betogether because she turned bright pink the first timeshe saw me. i know tomorrow is going to come because i've seen it. sunrise is going tocome, all you have to do is wake up. the futurehas been
at war, but it's coming home so soon. thefuture looks like a child in a cape. the future isthe map and the treasure. the future looks just likegravity: everyone is slowly drifting toward everyoneelse. we are all going to be part of each otherone day. the future is a blue sky and a full tank of gas. i saw the future, i did,and in it i was alive.
Tidak ada komentar
Posting Komentar