Januari 31, 2017
the letter "vav"is also the number 6-- short top, long tail. short top,long tail. you could have here,in hebrew, "666" on the can. and look at it this way. even if the "m"was not the issue, you cannot deny thatthat is a cross. and what is witchcraft?
when the crossgoes upside down. bottom's up. and the devil laughs.hmm. eh, it's not likejesus juice has such a glowingreputation either. that crusaderis christine, and like every womanin the world, she might be readinginto things a little too much.
my true fans knowthis show is full of hidden messages. not much is knownabout the devil, except that he isthe root of all evil, has an awful goatee,and wears prada. all signs pointto it being kanye. god is likeyour strict father who is alwaysdisappointed in you, and satan isyour fun uncle
who eventually rapes youin the butt. if jesus wants to appealto a younger demo, he's gonna haveto start showing up on somethingcooler than toast. hell just seems likethe place to be. none of thatannoying harp music. did lucifer fallfrom heaven, or did he jump because he was tiredof playing bingo
with everyone's boringdead grandparents? and say what you willabout satan worshippers, but nobody's ever beenblown to smithereens just for drawinga cartoon of him. i don't knowwhy christine cares about savingbmxers and gamers from the clutchesof monster energy drink, but i'll fly her to l.a. as long as she promisesto say more crazy [bleep].
and if the devildoesn't like it, he can sit on a tack, in this week'sweb redemption. [heavy metal music] ♪ ♪ i should've knownyou worked for red bull. i don't.i just got an amazing deal. you wouldn't believehow much a car depreciates when you weld a giant soda canto the top of it.
i'd believe it. thank you for coming. i'm trying to developmy own energy drink. celebrities are puttingtheir names on these things, and they're makingtons of cheddar. do you know what the biggestproblem i had with your video? that every single thing you saidmade sense to me. [snorts]okay. your deliverywas polished.
it made sense to even peoplethat probably thought you were a nut job. i apologize,but there are some. it was, yeah. and then how youfinished it. and the devil laughs. (daniel)it was justa perfect punctuation. god gave me that gift to be able to present itin a way that was perfect.
and then he said,"okay, now is the time where you're gonnago viral ." there was a spiritualagenda here. and it goes right backto the bible. it's not flesh and bloodwe war against. it's the principalitiesof the air, and if you're notfamiliar with that-- - i'm not.- those are demons. oh.
as a good christian, what energy drinkshould i be drinking? mountain dew. - ugh.- [laughs] i think christiansshould only drink lemonade. well, of course,lemonade's good. it's nice. what else makesthe devil laugh? your show.
[laughs] tosh: taking othersstraight to hell. thank you? i don't knowif that's a compliment. it's not. what are the biggest problemsfacing society today? things like your show--immorality. you're puttinga lot on me. yeah, i am,because you are--
you ever seen south park? you're right inwith that. but south park is way worse. you're still inthe same genre. when the rapture comes,who's getting it first? will you get to go? who are the first peoplethat are gonna-- the rapture is not gonna comewhile i'm still alive. according to the bible,it will.
how do you knowwhen i'm gonna die? boom. are you worried thatyour video has helped the sales ofmonster energy drink? no,but if the world wants to increase it,go ahead. i would be interested to hearwhat first quarter sales are. yeah. my biggest fear is thati speak to someone
and i do not sharethe gospel with them and they goto hell for it. my biggest fearis monsters. not the stupid drink, but actual monsters. have you ever tastedmonster energy drink? yes, i have. i did when i first starteddoing the presentation. i figured i had to knowa little bit
of what i amtalking about. i have never tried it. - okay.- for the record. there's no question that people that buythis stuff regularly will not succeedin life. do you think the head ceoof a company is, like, calling hispersonal assistant, "hey, i'm out of monster energydrink in here."
no, he's askingfor some tea. all right. oh, whoa! i'll be honest with you--that was cool. okay, now-- was that the beast? can you see the connection when you actuallyput the cross with "unleash the beast"?
666. there is no doubt that you areaccurate about the 666, but, i mean, they did itbecause they're ad execs, and they're a bunch of geeks sitting around,trying to be cool. or, if god uses peoplein product, does also satan? he doesn't do that. here, i don't want usto have to actually-- now what are you gonna do?
well, we--i don't want usto swallow this garbage. i just want usto taste it. [demonic laughter] keep it down. okay, let's just--bottom's up. mm-mm. mm-mm. all right, christine,i need another set of eyes to make sure there's nothingsubtly offensive or sacrilegious aboutthe energy drinks
that i'm trying to create. okay, this one--ow, ow! it's called stigmata soda. see? it pokes you-- i get it. muslim milk. this is a winner. but energy drinksare not milk. i don't understandyour concept.
- muslim milk.- i know that. muslim milk.hummus flavored. it's actually--i'll be honest with you, this tastes 1,000 timesbetter than monster. this one's calledjewy juice. "israeli refreshing." not bad, right? what's the punch line? "is...raeli."
this one--i don't thinkthere's any way you can say thatthere's anything... - offensive.- sacrilegious about-- oh, no, there'sdefinitely gonna be something offensiveabout it. this is dr. huxtable'santi-energy elixir. (christine)what happened to his eyeon there? bill cosby isblind as a bat. i did not know.
yeah, he can't see a thing, except for, apparently, the bottle of quaaludesin his nightstand. this is alabama'sice-t's nuts. a tea-bagging traditionfrom our family to yours. roll t. all right, christine. i really appreciateyour feedback. i think i finally understand
the direction i needto take my brand. well, let's do this. let's put the word"tosh" on it. look at the acronym.tosh. taking othersstraight to hell. why do you keepsaying that? because it is true. introducing satan's semen. coat your throat with beelzebub.
(man)now with unholy levelsof caffeine and throbbing veinsfor better grip. served exclusivelyon united airlines and at participatingchipotle locations. currently bannedin the bible belt. [gags] that's real. the devil is a lie! that was recordeda month ago,
and all we ask of anyonewho comes on this show is, don't do anything insanebefore it airs. so what did she dothe day after she left here? celebrate the seventhtexas muslim capitol day. we are honored-- [cheers and applause]- thank you. i proclaim the nameof the lord jesus christ over the capitalof texas. i stand against islam!
islam will never dominatethe united states, and by the grace of god,it will not dominate texas! you are officiallyunredeemed!
Tidak ada komentar
Posting Komentar