Januari 14, 2017
burnie: one of the most popular mechanics in modern video games is the open world, where players are free to roam through an expansive environment without any guidance of what to do next. and probably, the best example of that is the popular series fallout, but come on. if you dropped a player, an idiotic player, with no hope or no experience in the middle of a nuclear wasteland, without any direction of what to do next, there's no way they could complete a quest on their own. or could they? burnie: welcome to the future! decades after a global nuclear war has devastated the planet.
our two lab rats were part of the prosperous vault 636. unfortunately, something went wrong one day and fire raced through all levels of the vault forcing our two lab rats to the surface. and now, these two wanderers must make their way across the very hostile nuclear wasteland to the only place they know that's safe: vault 619, located miles away. burnie: so we've come out here to our post-apocalyptic environment to test one thing: whether or not our lab rats could make a journey through the wasteland using nothing more than their intelligence and their wits. gus, how are we gonna pull this off? gus: well most importantly, we've set up a group of non-playable characters. the npcs will present them with a scenario that michael and gavin then have to make a decision about.
based on the outcome of that decision, it'll affect their access to weapons and or resources. burnie: and those weapons and resources are absolutely critical for them, because they need to overcome some challenges to complete their final goal, which is to travel to another vault where they're gonna be safe. we set up some rules for our competition today: number 1: they have to complete the course in twelve hours. number 2: somewhere in the wasteland is a transmission code they will need in order to reach the destination vault, transmit the code, open the vault and enter it to win. and lastly, the only way they can get additional resources is to complete the side quests that are given to them by the npcs. now gus, talk to me a little bit more about these npcs and their side quests. gus: oh, you might recognize a few faces.burnie: oh yeah? we're gonna see you?
gus: yeah, except i got something cool.burnie: you do?gus: yeah. burnie: i'll just take your word for it.gus: i'm gonna be cool. burnie: well, if our lab rats are gonna make their way through the wasteland successfully, they're gonna need to be armed. barbara: so we have plenty of things for michael and gavin to use. we have the pip-boy, vault-tec lunchbox, of course we have some pre-war money and bottlecaps burnie: oh nice.barbara: and then we have weapons. we have this ridiculously awesome laser rifle. burnie: the laser rifle looks awesome.barbara: don't touch it.burnie: okay i won't touch that. barabra: don't.burnie: okay. burnie: well, we obviously have some great armaments here. where are our lab rats?
barbara: they're in the vault of course.burnie: well let's go to the vault then. burnie: lab rats you're looking good.gavin: thanks. burnie: i like it. you guys are used to wearing blue jumpsuits though, i guess.michael: yeah, we got a little bit of flare though this time. burnie: it uh, fits in perfectly.lindsay: makes their eyes pop. burnie: i gotta say though, this place actually does look a lot better than the original achievement hunter office. barbara: smells better too.burnie: it's a step up.barbara: yeah. burnie: so lindsay, we're going to have gavin and michael going through this post-apocolyptic wasteland. what are we gonna do to help 'em out? lindsay: we have a pip-boy which gavin is rocking right now.
we're gonna be using that as communication between us and them. burnie: so it's just like you're playing fallout. you can look up on your screen on your pip-boy. you're gonna see your nav point there. follow it to your next destination. gavin: it seems like were way less hindered in this one.burnie: yeah right, you haven't even seen the course yet so don't worry about it. michael: what does that mean?burnie: just walk towards the vault. get there. don't die. that's the main rule. and you can tap out at any time but... y'know, it's more of a guiding. michael: what do you tap? you just tap the air?burnie: alright guys, let's do it.
michael: [sighing]gavin: bored already, to be honest. michael: well, you're not gonna say that when you're dead. burnie: alright, so michael and gavin have now entered the first area: the wasteland. and all they have to do is check their pip-boy and check for their next navigation point. it should tell them exactly where they need to go. michael: where the hell are we?! gavin: oh, there's a barrel.michael: i think- oh shit, barrels. burnie: alright, looks like they found the first supply cache. gavin: aw dude, this is a weapon. look at that.
[laughter] we're gonna die because we were buggering about. like, pinching each other's genitals. michael: yeah, but it's a good way to go. oh shit, we got more trucks. is there any goods in here? ooooh shit! gavin: dude, lunchbox!michael: found a lunchbox. why don't you go over there and open it, so if it blows up, i don't get killed with you. [simultaneous groaning in fear] gavin: alright, i'm gonna open it. michael: right there.
gavin: oh dude! got some nuka-cola -michael: no that's mine, i left that actually. gavin: dude, we got mints.michael: that's mine. ooooooh, five dollars?! gavin: oh, i've got some bottle caps dude.michael: oh shit, real money? sugar bombs?! there we go. gavin: dude, i'm filling my fanny.michael: boosh! what'd you find? oh shit, you got a gun?! oh fuck!
gavin: see this looks like a lot of crap, but none of it looks useful. oh shit, there's an oven! that might be useful. [tunnel snakes shouting] burnie: [laughing] are those the- are those the tunnel snakes? okay. some of our favorite npcs from fallout are the tunnel snakes which are retro style greasers. alright, just like in the game our players can only interact with npcs by selecting a response in a set of dialogue options. so your choices are:
"we don't want any trouble." "who are you?" and you can also ask them "why do you have a comb?" michael: who the hell are you guys? tunnel snake #1: who are we? who are we?!tunnel snake #2: who are we?! tunnel snake #1: we're the tunnel snakes and we own this side of the wasteland. tunnel snake #2: tunnel snakes rule! tunnel snake #1: look, here's what's gonna happen. you're gonna give us your stuff, or we're gonna make it real uncomfortable for ya.
so what's it gonna be? burnie: alright guys, now you got two ways you can handle this. you can either handle it like adults or... you can just fuck 'em up. gavin: they don't have a gun though. the second one? michael: fuck 'em up. [loud incoherent yelling and pleading] michael: [shouting] you're crippled! both legs broken! tunnel snake #1: don't be so hard michael, come on! burnie: [laughing] i think you'd have to be a pretty shitty gangster to get your ass kicked by michael and gavin.
gavin: we're getting so much stuff. michael: let's roll. tunnel snake #1: you guys are mean.michael: don't make us come back here! michael: when did miles and blaine become tunnel snakes? burnie: so radroaches are one of the most common enemies in the game. they're a supersized, radioactive roach, but as you can imagine those are pretty hard to find in real life. sooo, we just had to make our own. gavin: [yelling] oh shit radroaches!
michael: go, go, go! [gavin squawking] michael: gavin, come on! we got to get to that town! gavin: michael! gavin: michael, i'm losing all my stuff! michael: no! gavin! [shared relieved cries] gavin: [panting] my god. lindsay: that looked nasty, you guys okay?
burnie: well, since we got gavin with a radroach he now has radiation poisoning, and we need a way to simulate that in real life, and this is how we've done it. gavin: from the radroach? damn it! burnie: in order to get rid of that, he's gonna need to find some radaway. which should be somewhere along the way. michael: god damn dude! you can't see, we need the radaway now. gavin: we need radaway!lindsay: [distantly] you guys are fucked! burnie: okay, so michael and gavin have entered the town now and they have two main objectives:
they need to find radaway for gavin, and they need to find the transmission code for the vault they're headed towards. michael: look at this. we got a barn here. we could find some radaway. burnie: but, because this is an open world we're not gonna give them a lot of guidance on how to do that. they're gonna have to explore and find it on their own. gavin: have you found any radaway? michael: holy shit dude, look at all this ammunition! uh, noooo radaway... gavin: damn it!
michael: so- well hang on a minute.gavin: i'm gonna vomit! michael: alright, here, grab the thing, let's go. we got some sugar bombs here, here let's- god damn it. gavin: [snickering]michael: god damn it. boom! we got a church over here. gavin: you gotta let me know when you change direction. michael: let's go into the church. gavin: there it is.michael: you are a mess man. are you ready?
gavin: yeah i got your back. [gavin laughing] michael: wait, wait, wait- check this out. remember these? [very bad piano playing] michael: god, i still got it. alright, what is this? we got... ice cream? okay, ready? god, you are worthless. coe: [laughing] what happened to his face? michael: radiation poisoning.
coe: hey, lower the gun, lower the gun in my bar alright? take it easy, take it easy. seriously, your face is- gavin: how close is this?michael: stop. coe: what's going on, boys?gavin: got mullered by like four radroaches with wheels. coe: y'know, i have just the thing for that. michael: oh dude. dude, he got radaway.coe: i got this thing called radaway. this is really, really good. this'll take care of all of your problems. man, i got whiskey. i've got rum for you guys. gavin: can i get a jack and coke?
michael: a jack and nuka-coke. coe: hold on now.michael: alright. coe: you got any money? michael: we got some caps. burnie: alright, well they need radaway, but they can also buy other things as well if they have enough caps left and that can come into play later. michael: knife comb.gavin: i forgot all the crap that i got. michael: that could be worth something.
coe: listen, i'll take the caps and i'll take this. michael: deal. coe: here's your rum and coke. gavin: what am i mixing? michael: what, do you think they have cups in the wasteland? coe: we don't have cups.michael: just drink it! gavin: holy shit that's real! coe: you guys uh, you're good to go. michael: what do you want for the radaway?
coe: the radaway?gavin: what did we just trade for? coe: no, no, you paid me for the rum and the coke, now hold on if you want the radaway, i got a little bit of a situation going on right now. hey put the gun away, put the gun away. hold on, hold on. your face is- [chuckling] so squishy. listen, there's this guy next door. he's been causing me a lot of problems. gavin: neighbor troubles. coe: he's loud, he's always getting me in trouble, he goes on and on and on about vaults or codes or something like that.
if you guys could um, talk to him? burnie: alright, you guys got two choices here. you can either accept the radaway in exchange for killing the neighbor. or, you can just walk away and hope you find radaway just somewhere else. gavin: i mean i've tripped over enough shit just getting from there to the bar. so i- i want the radaway. michael: we'll take the radaway. coe: perfect, that's what i like to hear. gavin: did he just hit someone?michael: it was the table.
coe: let's get the radaway for ya. michael: oh dude, you're gonna get hooked up. coe: i can already see the color come back into your face, there you go. michael: aw, dude. how do you feel? gavin: this is a nice bar. coe: i do what i can, i do what i can. i mean it's a little shitty like i said, but you guys are about to take care of that for me. michael: holy shit. gavin: i look like arnie.
o-oh my god! michael: [yelling] what is wrong with you?! what the hell is wrong with you?! the guy just gave us the radaway! gavin: it went off- it went off by accident. michael: let's go, let's just go, let's just- we gotta do it now! we said we'd do it! gavin: let's take the booze. michael: god. stay in front, stay in front of me. stay in front of me. you killed him after you lost the poison!
gavin: i didn't mean to. i didn't mean-michael: get outside, get outside. gavin: after you. michael: go first. go first.gavin: i'll go first. michael: god damn it. michael: let's do it! barbara: hello! welcome! gus: graah!michael: jesus. gus: i can help you. michael: what do we do?
burnie: it's an open world. shoot'em. don't shoot 'em. your call. gavin: [shouting] bitches! michael: they're gonna fuck us up. mccormick: you suck! [maniacal laughter] burnie: oh, well this is an absolute massacre.
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