Maret 15, 2017
they have beaches in south korea yeah they're called women they're covered in snow *open haus theme* uh your first question this week comes from tom sutton 420 hawaii. yeah! hawaii, i was gonna say hawaii too are we all agreeing hawaii? are we all going to hawaii?!
matt peake are we going to hawaii? we get to do it hawaiian style hold on, hold on. i think we're all saying hawaii because it's the newest state. what about alaska? *polar bear attack* i'm gonna be the fly in the ointment, i know its uncommon, i'm not gonna say japan like you're all thinking south korea! what the fuck are you - - ?! james: funhaus at the dmz!
adam: he's a good rapper we're gonna be near all the good overwatch players they drink fucking, soju wall to wall. they got bomb ass internet and it's basically everything we'd ever need. no yeah! [yeah! yeah!] i actually booked you a flight! [oh!] right after open haus you're going to south korea! do you realize that if we had an office in hawaii right now, [oh back to hawaii] we'd be underneath a palm frondz because it would be built like a samoan hut [bruce singing hawaiian like music] oh man and we would get tattoos! that are all black! and go around our arms! i always wanted to make a t-shirt that said best frondz and then had two palm trees like a heart.
i later learned this was a thing that existed but that could be some merchandise we can sell! fun haus best fronz! yeah fronz haus matt peake, do some belly dancing. hey why is matt peake over there? thats my question this week. don't worry about it. next question. dude crispy says well, i think we should default to elyse, she's the expert on mcdonalds. what uh.. does this mcdonald's happy meal look like? uh cheeseburger and then inside of it is another tiny cheeseburger
when we sell a funhaus happy meal we get a piece of it right? yeah, the cardboard from the bottom right corner uhh.. a big reason why mcdonald's has survived this long is their aggressive pricing structure. we need to crank it up. so 45 dollars per happy meal, per child. but its good because it's not even in a box anymore, its in a metal bucket. next to the cheeseburger is a healthy option, so they'll be like an entire chicken breast well there's got to be a side matt peake so what type of side would you give them? well you got to go, i think, vegetables. elyse: and the toy's gonna be cuck-noculars
oh you can see a cuck from anywhere! that's for the older crowd. 11 and up that underscore ct underscore guy i'm turge-flexhard [oh thats nice] and uhh.. my shit is "you just got assed" you just got assked? assked? i'm all about butts for some reason or just assn' people. there a guy who needs assn'. i'm your guy. turge. call me. roll up in my assmobile. pop my ass out. who needs an assn' in here? kracking my knuckles time to ass. i'm a hard edge cop called joseph stashminksey. and i have a really large mustache and i always wear a wife beater that always has pizza stains on it.
and i fight crime but i keep getting thrown off the force because my methods are too rough and tumble. what kind of methods are they? i ask before i enter, i always get a warrant [wait hold on..] (i won't stand..) slow down. yea this seems like you're following protocol and sometimes i'll be like, "watch your head!" as i'm putting them in the back seat of the car. what about adam? i'm kurt mcrib. oh! wait, hold on do you hand out mcribs or do you get a mcrib?
oh no thats just a last name, i am a retired navy seal and i'm a substitute teacher. until one day, crime happens. oh man and you can only fight crime once a year when rib prices are at their lowest. the mcrib does not play into it, thats just the name. [welp.] mr.mcrib can we get a mcrib? i'll be pen sive. and uhh.. my signature one liner is "think twice... asshole." nice! i got it with the asshole! i'm pensive so i'm saying think, think twice asshole. [i got it!] my name - - my guys name is fuckna bigdude. so what he does is he patrols the street for crime just like adam said
and one day when crime happens he goes "prepare for fuckna bigdude!" and then he goes over and punches him. ["he's like come at me!"] "come at me bro! watch out! two men on either side!" what about matt peake? i'd be metal mcstumpy and my one liner would be "you've been stumped" but wouldn't you have been stumped? well no, he solved the case but he always says it with upwards inflection "been stumped?" oh man, lawrence
lugo master writes i want a neurological conductive orb of gel that you just jam your hands into. the trick is that the gel would be hyper concentrated methadone ball. so you cram in there and the game is whatever happens in the next 24 hours. oh! the game is real life! but then you have to keep buying it because you are so addicted to the "gameplay experience" [oh you run out of jelly?] yeah! the jelly runs out, stops working, you got to get a new one. sounds like a drug. [what? no... it's a game..] okay. mine would be, instead of a controller it'd be poles. right? and you can stack the poles together and uhhh... it would have kind of like a tarp, that would go over the poles into the shape of almost like a shelter-like structure.
you could climb inside it and that's how you play the game. you can take it anywhere what do you call this device? nin-tent-doe *lawrence loses it* you know when you're playing games you don't have too much time for personal hygiene. am i right? no? no? no?!
am i right? [no??] so mine would be uhh.. just covered in razors. as you're uhh.. playing you can be shaving your body i was just gonna say mine was a fleshlight and you fuck it. *collective "ohhh"* yeah that exists. [does it rank you or anything? you just fuck it?] "you like mario? fuck him!" "i wanna summon epona!" *slurping noises* "oh i found the master sword!" mario is so tiny, you couldn't get your entire dick in him.
*electro dance music* that's what you think. you have to go up elyse? [this is from uh.. bee gannons] freddie mercury had the banging-est life in the world. he is the best rock singer of all ti- - quite possible the best singer of all time. in the greatest rock band of all time, at the greatest period of time. he was a master. i would be christopher lee because some times we forget that christopher lee was in a metal band. so i would be an awesome metal head, i would be in "lord of the rings" and "star wars" and i'd just be... generally awesome [but he wouldn't bang a bunch of dudes like freddie mercury]
we don't know. *freddie mercury - love kills* i would be buddy holly, i wouldn't get on that plane and i'd sue the shit out of weezer for ripping my style! [50 years later?!] and naming a song after me (i was gonna say, i think he's dead) no! buddy holly was gonna live forever man! he was on top of the world. unfortunately that means, you have a lot of altitude to drop. [you gotta come down eventually.] i would go mozart because i've never seen the film "amadeus" and i think that would be a good way to experience it. but wait you would be sitting as mozart watching [watching "amadeus"?] the dvd of "amadeus" that wouldn't exist then, stupid. [lawrence?]it's so hard to decide, the best i can do is narrow it down to two pretty equal in the musical field.
first you got elvis. the king. basically gave rock and roll to america. impeccable hair. died on the toilet though! don't forget about dying on a toilet. everyone's got to die somewhere. elvis, uhh.. fucked priscilla when she was underage right? *electro music returns* [matt peake?] i'll go with beethoven and i'd be able to hear my music. *collective "ahh"* wait, woah. what? he got laser ear surgery. he uhh - - that's not - if you replace him, you're still deaf.
[yeah i mean, you're gonna be deaf] i wanna be david bowie and i can fly! matt peake is saying he replaces him but then gets to be himself. but then you wouldn't be a genius! [you would be a genius matt, if you were yourself] "mary had a little lamb" boooo! beethoven's a genius! "you were better when you were deaf!" "but i can hear!" he end's up writing the chicken dance! *chicken dance song*
matt peake last question. reson-ator uh.. i'd be human water bottle. i'd be responsible for storing all the water internally, because everybody knows, water is at it's purest when it is regurgitated from a human form. i would be the fucker and the fuck-ee. so if you wanted to fuck, uhh... that would be me. if you wanted to get fucked, that'd be me. [that's also you] (oh multitasking!) multitasking. that's an important responsibility. yeah you gotta double up roles when you're going to mars thats for sure. i think it's a tie between uh.. matt damon and gary sinise.
[alright] which one do you do? [i understand that reference] gary sinise never made it to the moon. [lawrence?] i'd be counselor. it gets lonely on mars, got a elvis poster on the walls. somebody comes in, i'm lonely. "check that out... look at that poster... what if that asked you for your daughters hand in marriage?" whats the minimum age requirement for young females to go to mars and procreate? that's up to elon. i got paperwork covering everything. it's fine. i'm a conselor, i'm trained for this. now watch this vhs tape of elvis [oh jeez] and lets see where this goes. have some space wine. we can drive telsa's on mars!
james did you answer?i can't remember no uh.. i would be david bowie and i could fly. *david bowie - life on mars?*
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