Februari 14, 2017
ok yeah. one of the things i've never understood about video games specifically games like gauntlet here is that when your character is either hurt or sick the only thing that seems to make him feel any better is food. now don't get me wrong i like food but i've never really experience the medicinal properties of a big plate of turkey first hand. this seems like something we oughta test
[intro music] ok so if we're gonna test the healing properties of food that means we need somebody who's actually hurt or sick. so griffon and i have taken out geoff and gus for a night of drinking but what we're really doing, is secretly feeding them as many drinks as we possibly can. and knowing those two they can drink a bunch
so we're gonna be here a while. [music] now it is the next morning, and it is five something in the am. we're up before the sun to come get gus outta bed, and take him to our experiment. remember, his been drinking all night. i think he went to bed about two hours ago so .. he might be a little grumpy. [music] how are you doing ? are you ready for a little immersion experiment this morning ?
let's get your clothes on, and let's go. you ready ? what ? are you in my house ? ah ! that's the spirit ! come on buddy there we go, alright [laughs] good morning. why didn't you wake me up ? he was a very tough watchdog we had to arrange to him to be remove from the house.
geoff ? i fucking hate all of you. alright first of all guys i want to thank you for coming out with such wonderful attitudes for our early morning science experiment here who knew you guys were such morning peolpe ? you .. it's fucking six in the morning, and you kept us out drinking ti'll four in the morning. the reason why we did that was to lower your health just a little bit because as we all know when a character's health is low the one thing that helps, is food.
so this morning for you, we have a morning feast. gus: i'm not turn around turn around ! breath it in fellows. is that beer ? that's beer, yes enjoy ! what the fuck is this ? gauntlet moonshine.
uh, turkey .. ham, coffee, mushrooms, a wonderful selection of pies. full meals for you to eat spaghetti and meatballs, cherries, cupcakes, pizza and wine. so when you're done with your beer you can drink some wine. so guys .. on a scale of one to ten, how do you guys feel right now ? i'm at ten on the "i'm gonna fucking punch somebody" scale let's get them some plates ! i think it's amazing that you guys can roll outta bed, and immediately start drinking. i .. i .. i didn't stop drinking, i like took an hour break, and laid down !
the thing about beer is that it makes you feel like a big man, so you can take on anything in the world. alright, speeking of being a big man, here's a mushroom. thinking you'd like a mushroom. terrible ! it taste like dirt ! it taste like feet. oh my god .. i'm gonna die. take a smell at it are you guys ready for desert ?
oh yeah ! don't worry it'll all be mixt up in your puke bucket later. is that make you feel like a giant ? a little cupcake ? i bet if i put this on my dick, it would make it look huge. what you want some wine ? yeah, hold on, wait, wait, wait let's be sophisticated. cheers sir. cheereeo feel free !
smells like cat food. no it does though. it doesn't smell like food. smells like a cat's ass. most video game food has been sitting in a dungeon hallway, for who knows how long before the adventurer comes across it right ? the pizza taste like .. a gym floor oh my god, i don't know where that came from ! oh yeah that .. that's vodka.
[epic music] that is solidified flavor [epic music continues] how do you feel now ? on a scale of one to ten ? one ... in order to declare a winner .. let's have a race to see who can eat a piece of pizza the fastest. nooo ! ohhhhh ? gus wins ! hey everybody ! congratulations for gus wins !
that's not science ! that4s an abomination ! it's pizza ! on your marks .. get set .. go ! [throwing up sound] you guys are assholes ! alright, well geoff is the big winner today. geoff congratulations you won the pizza race. i can't tell you ate more pizza than me.
and you'll be happy to know that you guys can take a brief nap and then we're all gonna go out for a nice lunch together. [creepy music] [gunshoot sound]
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